Locked Heart ...

Searching inside myself
i find my heart
locked up.

I can’t remember locking it,
but there it is
locked.

I guess it makes sense,
this locked heart,
because for a while now
i have had trouble
finding my emotions.

Whispers of them do touch
my present
softly telling of how i feel
burt not with a certainty
or a loudness
that signals clearly to me
that i feel such and such
about such and such.

Sometimes though

my heart gets popped open
when extremely angry
people are around;
and then, unusually,
i am very in touch with my anger.

Other times
when i am with someone
whos is very excited or happy
i can feel the strain it takes
for my heart to remain locked;
i become still, all of me freezes
as my heart keeps breaches from happening
as feelings stir within it
awakened
by the loudness of anothers expression.